will HP and Voldemort get into fisticuffs over Hermione, or even better, me? will Hermione grow a personality and become my best friend? will Volde take a shower? or clean his clothes?
all of the above are strong possibilities, but i guess you'll just have to read on to find out.
...
so obviously, HP and I had a great time that one night.
and then thanksgiving came. and went. exchanges between the two of us were cordial, flirtatious, light.
eventually he started talking about 'we'. 'we' saw that movie. 'we' started helping innercity kids at this community center. 'we' did this. 'we' did that. the only problem was, the other half of 'we' was not 'me'.
the more 'we-ing' that was going on, the more it was becoming the elephant in the room. clearly he was 'we-ing' out with someone else, someone that he didn't want me to know too many specifics about.
i finally asked one day.
'oh, just my friend Hermione' he said.
oh, okay. your friend. you have lots of friends that also happen to be girls. oh yeah, i remember her, from the 4th of july party you brought me to. the one where i knew no one, and there was a nazi with a clipboard bossing us through beer olympics until it wasn't fun anymore. wait, Hermione was the one with the clipboard? didn't she also have a whistle? man she was bossy. i mean...that's cool, she seems...fun.
after that her name kept coming up. with a frequency that was making me uneasy.
true, i didn't expect our one night make out sesh to turn into a 3 year LTR, but maybe i did. at the very least, i did not expect him to be full-blown seeing someone else. that would be ridiculous. anyone in a for-serious relationship would not take another girl to a show on a random thursday night. that simply would not make sense. if he was dating someone else he wouldn't be having nights like that with the likes of me.
'oh, just my friend Hermione' he said.
oh, okay. your friend. you have lots of friends that also happen to be girls. oh yeah, i remember her, from the 4th of july party you brought me to. the one where i knew no one, and there was a nazi with a clipboard bossing us through beer olympics until it wasn't fun anymore. wait, Hermione was the one with the clipboard? didn't she also have a whistle? man she was bossy. i mean...that's cool, she seems...fun.
after that her name kept coming up. with a frequency that was making me uneasy.
true, i didn't expect our one night make out sesh to turn into a 3 year LTR, but maybe i did. at the very least, i did not expect him to be full-blown seeing someone else. that would be ridiculous. anyone in a for-serious relationship would not take another girl to a show on a random thursday night. that simply would not make sense. if he was dating someone else he wouldn't be having nights like that with the likes of me.
and if he was dating someone else, he would at least choose someone that could match, if not beat, me in a witt-off.
i felt like an idiot. and mostly, a very silly girl. afterall, regardless of what i tell you or anyone else, that night meant something to me. and if it didn't turn into anything else, at least i wanted to hold that one night sacred. and i hoped that he would. after all, there were very good reasons for the story to end there, but i at least wanted it to end purely. perfectly. not knowing that at the same time as we were out choreographing dances...with our tongues...there was someone else, texting him, just to check in.
i felt like an idiot. and mostly, a very silly girl. afterall, regardless of what i tell you or anyone else, that night meant something to me. and if it didn't turn into anything else, at least i wanted to hold that one night sacred. and i hoped that he would. after all, there were very good reasons for the story to end there, but i at least wanted it to end purely. perfectly. not knowing that at the same time as we were out choreographing dances...with our tongues...there was someone else, texting him, just to check in.
he probably told her i was Ron Weasley, when really i was me.
i put pieces together, from the fragments of understanding floating around the workplace. everyone knew they hung out in more-than-friends capacity. but everyone also new he avoided the g-word like the plague. regardless of the holes in stories and gray lines, i went ice cold. i took many steps back. i went professional relationship on his ass.
i felt betrayed. obviously. mostly because i thought the world of him. and didn't want to have to change my way of thinking. and because i thought he thought enough of the world of me to at least keep me out of a mess like that.
and then he brought her to the company holiday party (ctrl + f + 'bfwii'). slapintheface #1. but obviously me being the classy lady that i am (no laughter there please), took it all in stride. read: held dullest dialog in life - no really, i wrote about it there.
then he brought her to the sunday wedding of one of our coworkers (that was held at a bar, read: my ideal wedding). and invited me over to his new house beforehand to pre-game the wedding (afterall, it was at a bar). a pre-game of three - HP, Hermione and me. slapintheface #2. i was honestly relieved when Volde showed up to relieve the pressure.
to shorten the story, he spent the majority of the evening bouncy balling between the two of us. he would bounce over to her, and become uber-dull not-boyfriend. and bounce over to me and become uber-fun, dancing with me, taking a zillion photos in the photobooth with me, trying to convince me to Blue Light with him, etc. then bounce back. it went on like that until she decided he was too drunk, and took him home.
by too drunk, she meant kissing my cheek.
the photos from the night are priceless. truly. and only serve as evidence to the relationship that should be. and the one that shouldn't.
i have seen the look his eyes shone on me in those photographs only once before. MM looked at another girl that way. and that was when i knew before i knew that it was the end. 2 days later, it was over.
so why am i bringing this story out of the woodwork now? mostly because i am ready for some neutral party perspective (well, as neutral as a party can be after being won over the by the magic of the previous 1,000 words).
recently i have maintained a cordial distance. no one-on-one hanging out. no texting outside of work. minimal gchatting inside the workplace. etc. i guess you could say i am 'waiting it out'. 'letting him come to me'. 'going batshit crazy'. whichever way you want to phrase it.
but now what? the elephant is still very much in the room. and i can't stomach more faux friend outings or encounters with Hermione. i can't be the other girl. but i also can't walk away from something that is so right i can't understand why it isn't. i can't ignore the potential.
but i cant just stay in limbo either. i mean it happened. it is still happening, in little ways, all the time.
and the worst part is that i feel bad for the girl. because she is soooo to HP what i was to MM. easy. available. demanding nothing, but also getting nothing. sitting by patiently, thinking that just because he's got his arm around you, he doesn't mean it when he says he doesn't want to 'get serious'. and when he breaks her heart, he will break her. and he will never know the breadth or depth.
as much as the girl underwhelms me to tears, my heart can't help but break a little for her, every time he grabs my hand and runs off to do another keg stand at his Super Bowl party.
...oh wait...thats like chapter 3.
anyway, i think i brought this all up because i wanted your advice. so bring it on bitches. i'm not sure on what part really. but probably just waiting for someone to kick me in the babymaker and say 'eff HP, and his magic flying broomstick thingy' or maybe 'wait it out, if its meant to be, it will be', or 'wait, has Volde showered yet?' (answer: no).
....
in other news, i almost accidentally took a roadtrip to nashville on the tour bus of the opening band from the country concert i went to on saturday night. rock of love bus you've got nothing on me. i also let a stranger feel on my booty from the first riff of the second set to the last cymbal crash of the encore. i don't know his name. he doesn't know mine. i'd call that a first perfect date.
but i cant just stay in limbo either. i mean it happened. it is still happening, in little ways, all the time.
and the worst part is that i feel bad for the girl. because she is soooo to HP what i was to MM. easy. available. demanding nothing, but also getting nothing. sitting by patiently, thinking that just because he's got his arm around you, he doesn't mean it when he says he doesn't want to 'get serious'. and when he breaks her heart, he will break her. and he will never know the breadth or depth.
as much as the girl underwhelms me to tears, my heart can't help but break a little for her, every time he grabs my hand and runs off to do another keg stand at his Super Bowl party.
...oh wait...thats like chapter 3.
anyway, i think i brought this all up because i wanted your advice. so bring it on bitches. i'm not sure on what part really. but probably just waiting for someone to kick me in the babymaker and say 'eff HP, and his magic flying broomstick thingy' or maybe 'wait it out, if its meant to be, it will be', or 'wait, has Volde showered yet?' (answer: no).
....
in other news, i almost accidentally took a roadtrip to nashville on the tour bus of the opening band from the country concert i went to on saturday night. rock of love bus you've got nothing on me. i also let a stranger feel on my booty from the first riff of the second set to the last cymbal crash of the encore. i don't know his name. he doesn't know mine. i'd call that a first perfect date.
5 comments:
My advice? Never. Settle.
If he's not responding the way you would really like him to, then, chances are, he's not worth it and will never be the guy you see in him, or want him to be, with you, for you.
If you wait around for him, patiently, he'll probably just disappoint.
Sorry if it's harsh, but it's da truth!!!
of course your right...but dang it sucks to walk away from something like that.
guess i'll go back to forgetting to look nice for work...that won't be too hard.
Oh you should still worry about looking nice at work! Definitely rub it in his face as much as possible. He's missing out on a good thing. Maybe he'll realize it!!
OK, I don't have much by way of advice, but I just needed to tell you that I just got very caught up in this HP story and had to read every word of it like it was the 8th book in the series or something. It also made me laugh like 5000000x more than the real books do.
I think my only advice would be to follow that whole "he's just not that into you" mindset... like Tristan said. Or just make-out with him again for fun... whatever! That would make a great story!
all i really want to do is make out on the fire escape. if i could just make that happen, i'd def. be over it. it's just like when all i wanted to do was make out in the stacks at the library in college, so i had a crush every guy at the library. i'm sure if i'd actually made out with someone, the infatuation would've ended there.
we're both working late, and drinking beer tonight...so we'll see...it is all for the sake of the story anyways, right?
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