more company-sponsored alcoholic socialization

there was a wedding shower on friday after work for a copywriter in our office. it was held at my bosses personal residence. there was a very classy spread and choice wines and beers. i filled up on mini sausages and brie. and s'mores. and spent the night trying to hold up my end of the witty banter about the struggles of finding babysitters and explaining the difference between male and female genitalia to a 4 year old with colleagues who are at a very different life stage than myself.

the more time i spend with married people with children, the more i am for sterilization and promiscuity.

also, should you find yourself invited to a similar type fete, i'll give you a tip: bring a gift of the registry, or none at all. an affordable bottle of red wine is apparently not an acceptable gift for a wedding shower, regardless of how little you know the couple (maybe you just met the husband 10 minutes before, maybe 15). but should you be a total deadbeat and bring no gift at all, odds are, no one will notice.

but let me digress for a second...seriously, is it absolutely imperative to open presents as a group at a wedding shower like its a 5 year olds birthday party? all that ooh-ing and awww-ing over gifts the bride and groom-to-be hand picked while hopped up on love and the power of having that little scanner thing in their hand (so who knows if they really do want that 'white salt pig with spoon'...wtf? btw). its quite disturbing, really. 'oooh, look, a hand mixer, wow, that will be so useful in the kitchen....or the bedroom' (wait, what?)

gift registries are only a step above gift cards, because at least you know you are getting the happy couple something they want/need/neither want or need but thought was cool at the time, so what the heck?

i despise gift cards. i have about 5 years worth of macy's gift cards my step-grandfather gives annually to all the grandchildren that have never been used. and as soon as the annual fees start piling up (betchya didn't know after your gift card reaches its first birthday the store starts taking like $2 a month back, thieves) by the time i get around to using them, there's maybe $7.25 left on a $50 card. and you never have them on you when you would want to use one, because you'd have to carry around a roledex in your purse to make sure you had all of your gift cards, loyalty cards, etc. on you at just the right time.

so anyways. i managed to drink just enough wine to keep things interesting, without doing anything embarrassing enough to have to wear a disguise to work on monday. ended up closing the party down. and falling madly in love with one of the web programmers who happens to be handsome in a 'i am the only 30 year old who can pull off a bowl cut' kind of way (trust me, its an attractive look, IF and only if you can pull it off). he also happens to be incredibly witty and charming. oh, and happily married with two small children*.

all in all, another successful work-sponsored social event.

company christmas party shenanigans...coming soon!


*don't worry, i'm no cradle robber...but the light flirtation does make things interesting...and he may have equally attractive, charming, and witty friends to set me up with instead.