live every week like its shark week

i just checked my google analytics, which i have been avoiding checking like i avoid my bank website since in both cases the numbers are always depressingly low.

something new and unusual appeared under referring sites: search engines. 'hmm', i said, 'self, what types of search terms would dig up a blog like this?' before investigating further i had myself a little brainstorm, but none of the ones i came up with could have made me as proud as the reality:

underage drinking + first-hand accounts

my mother would be so proud. and i do owe her the lions share of the credit for that one, as she played more than a supporting role in the one first-hand account of underage drinking that has made an appearance thus far.

it also seems apropo, as alcohol tends to feed some of my best material. or at least my most amusing. maybe i should post the one about the time when i locked myself, my roommate, and my next door neighbor out of our dorm rooms the first week of freshman year.

that ones a keeper. dead ringer to fuel more search engine traffic.

also, whoever searched for 'underage drinking + first-hand accounts' and stumbled on my blog was a repeat offender. whatever got them here in the first place, kept them coming back.

that's right, my blog is like crack.

either that or they accidentally clicked my link, twice. or there are two different somebodies, somewhere that are using my blog post as example numero uno why underage drinking is harmful to our health, society, and dignity.

...


i have been considering taking improv classes.

don't laugh.

actually, maybe do. isn't that the idea, afterall?


...

i have a new friend. she is a work friend. and she has more than double the boy drama i have going on at any given time. so i like her. because she makes my drama feel like not drama at all.

i also like her because she is tall.

and she is funny.

and she likes 30 rock.

we watched 4 episodes from season 1 of 30 rock on saturday night and what did i learn so far?

live every week like it's shark week

i think this is the beginning of a lasting friendship.

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today is tuesday. and what does that mean? another 'yoga tuesday' that is going to come and go with neither yoga, nor my weekly feature on yoga.

better luck next week.

i have also gained 5-10lbs. which may be why i am avoiding yoga. putting on spandex and then staring at my swollen form bending and stretching in a mirror for an hour would be even more depressing than not going at all.

i think staying home and eating fajitas was the right decision. definitely.

and screw physical fitness. its not like i'm trying to convince anyone to want to see me naked. i'm trying to convince anyone to want to see my friends naked instead.

and on that note...

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q: what is even more fun than going out and pulling a random one night stand for yourself at a bar*?

a: going out and pulling a random one night stand for your best friend, who hasn't be heavy petted since before digital cable. (her words, not mine).

seriously. if you keep finding yourself bored, going out night after night only to find bachelors that you wouldn't even remotely be interested in touching with a taser, let alone your bare hand, go out with a new mission. a mission of finding a taserable dude for your friend. voluntarily play wing man. it is a lot more entertaining because the consequences for you are low, and at the end of the night you can feel good because a) you no longer have to hear about your friend complain about how hopeless the singles scene is in your chosen city b) you can now start complaining again about how you haven't had sex in one full week while she is still walking funny from the weekend and c) you can go home alone and engorge your face with frozen pizzas since you don't have to worry about anyone seeing the extra poundage until at least the new year, when the good karma you have just put out in the world comes back around.

also, you can live vicariously through your chosen friend without worrying about if he is going to call, or if it is going to burn when you pee.

its a win win for everyone, really.

*not that i'd know, i've never pulled a one night stand, and if i had, it definitely wouldn't accidentally turn into a 6 month {non}relationship. i'm just saying. it probably would be fun, if i did do that sort of thing.