life: after two months

its been two months.

you still think about him. sometimes in fondness, mostly in anger, its easier. but the thoughts are fleeting. you aren't ruminating.

you are learning. you coulda woulda shoulda'd ad naudeum. and then you realized that you just didn't. and he just didn't. and it just didn't.

you have forgotten your old habits of being together. you have developed new ones. you have tried something new. picked up a new hobby, and since forgotten it. picked up another one, that stuck.

you have probably made some mistakes. trying to find meaning. validation. closure. a way back. but found none of the above.

you said not nice things. and too nice things. and you said nothing at all. you avoided some topics, beat others into the ground.

you thought you could be friends. you realized you couldn't.

you deleted phone numbers. e-mails. contact info. memories.

you have dieted. picked up a new workout regime. and have since abandoned both.

you stood on your own two feet. and you couldn't find your footing.

you questioned your career. your friends. your personality. your hairstyle. and you changed a few of the above.

you have tried someone new on for size. they did not fit.

you got too drunk.

the silence has been deafening. and welcoming. the loneliness has been a curse, and a blessing.

there has been a time for celebration and a time for sadness. and you have survived them both, alone.


there are places you avoid. and songs. and channels on tv. books. photographs.

there was a moment of weakness. and you let it pass. there was a moment of strength and you are holding on with all your might.

you shave your legs more. or less. talk to your mother more. or less. cry more. or less.

your relationship with your cell phone, your couch, and your old and new best friends are healthier.

you are a stage 5 mourner.