last time i saw you, wasn't your tongue in my mouth?

so last night i was out with some friends at the usual places (that currently bore the shit out of me) and a friend of a friend met us out for a bit, we'll call him Tall Cat (since he is 1. tall and 2. i don't really know much else about him to use as an identifier). i had met Tall Cat once before. at a bar across the street from where we were last night. his ex-girlfriend had been in town visiting him and their mutual friends from college, and staying at his apartment ('on the couch') and was out with us that night. i should also mention now that she was a pretty big fan of mine. i'm not sure why. but she liked me, when she first met me.

well, Tall Cat and i immediately took to each other. he thought it was cool that i was tall. i thought it was cool that he was tall. and he was drunk when he met me, so don't really need much more explanation than that.

we spent the whole night talking, i think. there was also some dancing. mostly me, up against him, while he just stood there, being semi-awkward. and at some point and after more than a few so-co and lime shots were passed around, he decided he was ready to leave, and was bringing me with him.

well by this point i was in no state to make rational decisions. nor was i remembering that his ex-girlfriend was a) right behind me and b) staying with him. i didn't remember, that is, until back at his house, when our make-out session back at his place was rudely interrupted by wild banging on his front door and then even more rudely interrupted by her storming in and screaming at him. then i remembered.

but, ever the peacemaker, i tried to reason with her. 'don't worry', i said to her, 'we're just having a sleepover, nothings happening, i don't even like him, well, i don't know if i like him, since i just met him. we haven't even kissed. it's no big deal, really. psh, no, that isn't his slobber all over my face.' for some reason, this wasn't very convincing. as i retreated back into his room, she gathered her things, continued screaming, then stormed back out, and made another one of their friends come pick her up.

surprisingly unphased by the whole scene, Tall Cat just watched her go, and then picked right back up where he had left off. unhooking my bra through my shirt. it didn't go much farther than that. the alcohol quickly took over and knocked us both out. completely.

i woke up the next morning in his wake forest themed bedroom, still wearing my jeans, top and unhooked bra, my neck hurting from sleeping, no passing out, on his arm and the entire right side of my body completely numb from laying on it all night. he had me in some kind of vice grip/choke hold that he would probably have considered cuddling, but could have been considered bondage, that i somehow managed to weasel my way out of and escape to the other side of the bed, to a cool pillow and free range of motion.

i expected the sober light of day to make things awkward and brief. surprisingly, the morning was much more romantic than the night before. first of all, there was no ex girlfriend screaming and throwing things, which helped a lot. instead there was cuddling, and kissing and more heavy petting and we chatted about our jobs, our families, his new iphone (which at the time was a huge novelty, and turn on). we just layed around in bed, giggling, and watching waynes world on tv.


it wasn't until around 11 that he finally decided it was time to return me home.

i hadn't brought my cell phone out with me that night. i had just broken up with the Brazillian, after a 6 month waste of time relationship, and didn't want to drunk dial him, or the random slew of boys i keep around just for drunk dialing purposes but never actually hang out with. instead, in the interest of safety, and due to my reputation to just randomly wanter off from my friends, i brought a notecard that read 'if found, please call (insert best friends phone number here)'. so i didn't get his phone number, but left mine in his iphone.

things had gone well, in the end. i could get over all of the college paraphenalia decorating his bedroom, and forgive the dirty clothes strewn about on all available surfaces, because afterall, he was tall, and a pretty good kisser. and he had nice eyes, and made me laugh, a little. i hoped he would call. i expected he would.

he didn't.

i didn't see him again until last night. but i did find out shortly after our little tryst that he started dating someone. actually, he may have rekindled with the ex, i'm not sure. but he certainly did not kindle anything with me.

it wasn't long after that i met Muscle Man and completely forgot the whole thing. but seeing him again last night, with only a quick and awkward 'hello' exchanged between us the whole night, i realized, i am no longer built for this 'one night stand' business. i had been a fool to imagine that one night, and morning after, of kissing and laughter would turn into a long term relationship. i possibly even burned that bridge by going home with him that night. it hadn't been the first time i had gone home with someone the first night i met them, which is certainly not something to be proud of, but it was the first time i was honestly disappointed that nothing more came out of it.

unfortunately, my relationship with Muscle Man started very much the same way. minus mutual friends, plus a call the next monday.

i realize now that is not how i want to kick-off my next relationship. i don't want the physical to come before the emotional. i don't want to be dropped off the next morning, setting low expectations to ever see this person again so as not to be disappointed when they really don't call.

i want to do things the old fashion way. maybe start out as friends. then realize our mutual admiration for each other is something more powerful. and then will be a kiss. maybe just one, for now. and a call the next day. and honesty. and respect.

which, by the way, may be just what is happening with BFWII and i. sort of.

(how's that for a cliff hanger?)