you have met the protagonist of this story before. he has appeared here, here and my personal favorite, here. by now you guys are practically old friends. just like we are. it's BFWII. (i am starting to hate that pseudonym, by the way, and am considering a change, especially if the likelihood of him appearing in more future posts continues to increase).
it all started the way every storybook romance starts. with a dirty rumor.
i had been out of touch with my former colleague and favorite designer friend. we hadn't exchanged communiques in over a month. i shot her a quick e-mail just to check in. the response i received was unexpected, to say the least:
to: hoppster
from: Design Diva
date: last tuesday
things are good. the baby is a wonderful terror. also, what is this i hear about you dating BFWII????? HMMMMMMMM? and you haven't told me? bad hoppster. bad bad hoppster. lets catch up, immediately.
design diva.
first of all, her baby really is a darling. and a terror.
second of all, excuse me??? since when has a few plutonic nights out equalled dating?
i called her immediately to get to the bottom of this. as it turns out, during coffee with another ex-colleague of ours, he happened to mention that he had heard BFWII and i 'were dating, but aren't anymore'.
dang, that's one mighty specific rumor. because not only does it refer to an imaginary relationship that i have not had, but to that imaginary relationship also coming to a very specific end.i think i would've had a memory of a break up, if not the relationship itself, right? there would've been at minimum three blog posts related to being dumped by anyone, let alone someone i didn't even know i was dating to begin with. yes, i certainly would've remembered the break up, if not the relationship itself.
i quickly clarified with Design Diva that no, BFWII and i had not dated. and then started to consider where the heck this dirty little rumor that is now making its way around the 'biz' could have come from.
my first thought was, hmmm, maybe he considers the few nights out that we have had 'dating'. but when you are dating don't you like, kiss or something? isn't that one of the benefits of 'dating' versus being 'friends'. also, there's the matter of the 'break up'. yeah, we hadn't hung out in a little while, but there was no 'end of the relationship' talk or anything.
my second thought was, well, maybe BFW mentioned to someone that he and i had been hanging out outside of work. and someone misconstrued that as dating.
regardless of where it came from, this little rumor got into my head. i was suddenly disappointed not only that BFWII and i were not in fact dating, outside of the rumor mill, but i was even more disappointed that our not real relationship had ended.
why had it ended? what had i done? why was i not good enough? and wait, why aren't we dating?we weren't dating. but the rest of that day we were certainly flirting. and the rest of the next day as well. including the part where he told me he won mates of state tickets on the radio at lunch, and would i like to come along? why, yes, of course i would.
so it was set. we were going out together thursday night. the rumor seeped even fruther underneath my skin. i spent the next 24 hours invisioning the night. there would be drinking. a good band (that i just discovered when i returned to my desk that day to find out what exactly i had just said 'yes' to, and so when i got to the show i could convincingly play adoring fan, but serioiusly, they are good, check them out, now, or later, when you're done reading this XL post). and there would be a kiss. i was certain there would be hand holding, and a kiss.
i promised my best friend aurora otherwise*. sitting in the car outside his apartment i was still promising her nothing would happen. it would be a horrible idea. afterall, we work together, in an office of less than 20. there would be no way to keep a relationship secret. it would quickly turn into a relationship with our entire office. and as fun as it would be to have our mutual boss mediating our first fight over whether we should rent iron man or made of honor on friday night (made of honor, of course, since i had suffered through journey to the center of the earth last firday), i don't really want to mesh church and state that much. or would i?
what transpired as soon as i knocked on his door turned out to be one of the best nights of my 2008, to date. no night i had ever had, and then remembered, with Muscle Man had ever been that fun. and carefree.
we got drinks and a basket of tater tots before the show, just to take the edge off. lets remember, i have never been to a show, and lived to remember it. so getting blackout drunk before a show is just my style. but i was taking it on the easy side this particular night. i had a feeling there were parts i would want to remember.
after being appropriately lubricated, we headed over to the show. the opening band was just starting. we had both just discovered mates of state that afternoon, so the opening band meant even less to us, but instead of just standing there at the bar sipping on drinks and staring blankly at the opening band. we took to the crowded and lifeless dance floor. and started dancing. we were the only ones. and we loved it.
we didn't stop dancing until the last chord of mates of state's encore. we even coreographed our own partner dance, that was made up of three steps: the shag, a spin, and me booty dancing up against him. we called it the blue light. i expect you'll be seeing it on dance floors across country any day now. seriously, its hot like 3rd grade square dancing, but hotter and more modern with the booty dancing finale.
i had a smile on my face the entire night.
we escaped just before the rush. i was driving (questionable decision, as always...dammit). i am not exactly sure how the topic came up, but i think it started like this:
him: stop it
me: what?
him: stop it
me: no, really, what?
him: you're just, too great.
yes, apparently even 28 year olds digress to middle school flirting techniques sometimes. okay, often. many times he has taken the middle school route. like when we were fake 'dating' for a sentance. and then we broke up. and then he was begging to get back together. all in one gchat. but i like it.
the conversation quickly turned to why it was a terrible idea for us to date. obviously the only reason being that we worked together. my response:
PSST. it's NO BIG DEAL. i mean, if we both like each other, why the heck not? we can keep it a secret.
convincing. really.
right?
by the time we got back to his house it was settled. dating was a fine idea.
so was making out. on his couch/fouton. for a while.
he tasted like cigarettes. i didn't mind.
even my hair and my fingernails were smiling.
at some point we broke ourselves apart enough for him to decide it was time for bed. not together. no, for me to sleep on his couch. and for him to sleep in his bed.
i tried to use my feminine whiles to coax him into letting me into his bed. but he held strong. i'm not really sure why. but he blamed it on his restlessness and that he'd probably kick me so many times during the night that i could check myself into a battered woman's shelter the next day. and neither of us would want that.
whatever his real reason. i finally gave in. and let him tuck me in on the fouton. i also made him lay down with me so i could kiss him for a few more minutes (hours, maybe?).
when he finally wrangled his way out of my choke hold (i mean, tender embrace), i quickly fell asleep (read: comatosed).
i fell asleep smiling, i awoke smiling.
i krept silently out of his apartment at 7. after all, i needed to go home and shower and change. couldn't very well show up to work in a shirt that smelled like a mixture between his cologne and an ashtray. not really the worst smell in the world. but definitely wreaked of 'walk of shame'.
i didn't wake him. i considered creeping into his room and climbing into bed with him to wake him up with loves tender kiss. but decided against it.
i got home and immediately got back in bed. for some reason, the usual anxiety and fear i have that i will never see the person again, that i will never hear from them again, that it will be super ultra awkward if i accidently run into him/her again, was completely absent.
i got to work before he did. he texted me a few times. asking when i had left. commiserating about his hangover.when he got in he stopped by my office. and for some reason, it wasn't akward at all when he handed me the earings i didn't remember taking off, or leaving on his coffee table.
we gchatted, per usual, all day. mostly about how much fun the night before was. about how we could improve blue light in the future. and how i couldn't stop smiling.
no awkwardness. only more charm. and me, falling deeply, and dangerously, for this kid.
...
so now what? it has been 4 days since we boldy tested the bounds of the colleage/colleague relationship. and i'm not quite sure where we stand.
friday night he bailed on BFWI's birthday celebration that i was looking forward to seeing him at, claiming exhaustion from the night before.
fair enough. i was exhausted too. and really had to coax myself out of bed after my after-work nap. but i had promised friends i would meet them for dinner and forced myself out of the house.
saturday night i texted him to see if he wanted to go out with caroline and i. he bailed on that also, claiming insufficient funds.
also fair enough. he has been living practically paycheck to paycheck since our company pays its designers slave wages in exhange for resume building.
today at work was normal. ish. we didn't gchat at all. but i did go upstairs and chat with him casually for a bit. totally normal. i mean, we don't have to gchat all day, every day, right?
anyways. point is. i am confused. i meant what i said. but did he? or in the sober light of day did he realize that really, dating a colleague in the microcosom of our office was a very bad idea, afterall.
and as much as i am trying not to go all 'girl' on the situation. i can't help myself.
i know i need to be patient. that another opportunity will present itself. that i can't force this. if it is meant to be it will just happen naturally. or maybe it already is happening, and i just don't know it. maybe he thinks we are dating. now. or maybe he already thought we were dating before.
i don't know how this goes. this being casual stuff.
my last two relationships went from zero to a zillion overnight. we went from strangers to talking every day, multiple times a day, and spending every spare minute together.
it's okay if this is not like that. right?
it also needs to be okay if it really is nothing more than one night of bliss and kissing.
but i hope that it isn't. i really hope that it is more. and not only because i want to be the Pam to his Jim (except less frumpy, more season 5 than seasons 1-4). but because i haven't smiled more than when i am with him. and haven't been less worried about someone breaking my heart.
*by promised i mean, lied, through my teeth, fingers, toes, legs, and eyes crossed, winking uncontrollably
1 comments:
I need to start up more imaginary relationships with real women.
This could work.
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