this is potentially troublesome. odds are i am just finally catching up on the holy hangover* that i delayed via two pitchers of beer with Boy From Work (BFW, henceforth, he seems to be a reoccurring character). second option is the troublesome bit. i could be having night sickness from the baby that i am convinced has been immaculately conceived into my womb. for no other reason than the fact that my nails have been extra strong, my eyes are especially blue, and i have had morning sickness, for a while. (i am mostly kidding, but i did take a pregnancy test, just to be safe, is that weird?) regardless, yuck.
so friday night was spent entirely with BFW, having a major allergy attack in his basement apartment via his kitten that i am obsessed with (and also deadly allergic to, recently) folding and hole-punching 100+ conference programs for an 'interdisciplinary design discourse' taking place the next morning. there were also beers at our favorite park bar where the sunset is incredible behind the measly skyline of this city (he still laughs about the time he commented that our city needs more tall buildings and i responded 'yeah, so our skyline will look cooler', not, i guess, the point he was trying to make). and there was frozen pepperoni pizza. and beer. there were not, however, very many advances. which i was glad for, although there is nothing sexier than a snotty, puffy eyed allergy attack victim.
i escaped at midnight.
saturday, i painted.
i don't know what compelled me, but i decided i needed to create, something. i didn't know what that something was exactly. but as i always do when i get these urges to re-discover a hobby i have abandoned, i needed new supplies. i couldn't just look in my arsenal of acrylic paints, old sketch books, colored pencils, and computer paper. i needed to start fresh.
this is kind of like the times that i decide i am going to write a book, by hand, so i buy a new notebook for that sole purpose. and i write a few introductory pages. and then abandon it completely due to a lack in plot. i have a lot of notebooks with 95% blank pages for this reason. i also normally buy a new pen. i enjoy pens.
fortunately, i live in walking distance of a very nice art store. the kind that art students go to. the kind where you have to pretend you know what you are looking for, and what you are supposed to do with it, in order to look like you belong there. i was asked by many starving-artist employees if i needed any help - probably due to my wide-eyed look that said, 'i've never been here before and have no clue what i'm looking for but i don't want you to know that, i want you to see me as a seasoned art professional (or 'independent artist' as i was tagged in their database - i got a frequent buyer card, ambitious) who knows exactly what she is looking for, and exactly what combination of special papers, natural bristled brushes, and $10 tiny tubes of paint and solvents i need to create the masterpiece that i am certain is locked inside me.'
they also have a 15% neighborhood discount.
i left the ar
t store with the following:an over sized sketch book
a pad of watercolor paper
a starters set of 24 liquid watercolor tubes
a plastic paint tray
a gummy eraser (more for playing than for erasing)
a ruler (i buy a ruler pretty much every time i go to an art store, i don't know why, but i also can never seem find one when i need one)
frequent buyer card
15% neighborhood discount
30-some dollars less in my bank account
so far i have one drawing and to show for the trip. both were traced from a drawing i had done previously, so not exactly new art, but i improved upon the original. so progress. i guess. enough to satisfy my itch to produce.
i have very few memories of saturday night. but i did learn that absolut los angeles (limited-edition blackberry & pomegranate vodka) is both deceptively delicious and memory-erasing .
(maybe its not classy to admit how inebriated i tend to get, every weekend, these days. but since i am only going to be 23 for six more months, and after that need behave as a serious adult might, but i still think its funny. maybe you agree. maybe not.)
sunday was spent almost entirely with BFW, as we both nursed holy hangovers from our separate but equal nights of over-consumption. we were determined that this sunday we would not be depressed. we would instead shower each other with compliments.
after retrieving my car from where i had dumped it the night before, i headed off with my hangover, mini-skirt, last night's make-up, an unfortunate greasy fro and no bra (i was braless all night, in retrospect, still can't figure out why that was a good idea) to pick up BFW for some very much needed, very unhealthy food.
it was decided that bread and cheese were probably the best cure for our ailments. so we parked it at a local pizza place where we shared a greek salad, pepperoni and mushroom pizza, two pitchers of beer, and compliments (him: you're awesome; me: you're awesome-er, him: you're eyes are very blue).
by the time we emerged, our BAC had stabilized to somewhere between sober and drunk that was a very happy place.
i wasn't really in any shape for driving, so instead i suggested we venture across the parking lot to the new variety store that had just opened. a variety store, as it turned out, is the perfect place for two inappropriately intoxicated individuals on a sunday afternoon.
we combed the aisles for nearly, or over, an hour (who can keep track of time in a place where you can purchase a silver plastic cone bra, salad tongs, an oriental rug, and an ant farm all in the same place?). BFW spent the majority of his stay at the variety store entertaining himself trying on mullet wigs that were too small for his not at all oversized head and riding around on a self-propelling scooter, of sorts, high-fiving children and blatantly ignoring the judging eyes of their parents.
i spent my time being entertained by BFW and chatting on the phone with the friend that recommended the variety store to me months ago, and who i now needed to properly thank.
it wasn't until BFW tried to professionally tune a child-sized toy guitar and broke one of the strings that i decided it was time to go (not before carefully packing up the guitar in its original container and putting it back on the shelf like nothing happened).
we are now proud co-owners of the following:
a suction cup bow and arrow seta super-bouncy bouncy ball
silly putty (my choice)
a geode
candy cigarettes (two varieties: gum and pure sugar)
a orange lay (the kind that is made of the same plastic a grocery bags)
a candy stick that was supposed to taste like cotton candy, but didn't
an open invitation from all of the variety store employees to return as often as possible
the rest of the afternoon was spent resting off the pitchers at my apartment, watching back-episodes of entourage on-demand, mutually admiring each other, and dozing. there may or may not have also been some cuddling. ok there was some cuddling. but not a lot. oh, and there were dq blizzards (mine: mint oreo; his: reeses peanut butter cups).
i took him home at 8:30. after he woke up from a 3-hour nap on my couch to find that it was night time. i was sad to see my sunday friend-date end, but happy that it was officially sunday night and i had absolutely no desire to cry.
once he was gone, though, i did consider whether or not this friendship was really a good idea. it is already creepily beginning to feel a lot like my most recent past relationship - a friendship, plus benefits, minus open and honest communication, that never turned into a real relationship, and ended with me disappointed, down a friend, and questioning all that i am as a person (and starting a blog, so not all bad)
he is a self-proclaimed serial relationshipist (i can't honestly say monogomist, as i gather he has not been as fidelitous as that word would imply in past relationships). so i am pretty sure i really just fill the gap between his most recent relationship and his next relationship. and i have a car, so i meet the need of transportation.
am i, too, using him to fill that space that boyfriends normally fit into? proclaiming myself happily single, and content to be so for a while, while i 'spend time on me', when i am really happily single-ish because i do have a boy, in my life, that fulfils most of the needs a boyfriend would - ie. showering me with love and attention, hanging out with me on sundays, gchatting randomly during the day, buying me dinner, etc. or is that a space that a male friend can reasonably fill without being considered a surrogate boyfriend?
i can't really see myself getting emotionally attached. but that worries me too. just like it worries me that i stiffen, rather than relax when he touches me. not because i stiffen at his touch, persay, but can imagine stiffening at any touch. i have suddenly become petrified of physical intimacy at all. and the idea of that terrifies me. have i been in so many (read: 2) emotionally distant relationships that i am now hardened to intimacy at all?
all in all, though, it was a good weekend, spent primarily in variety stores and with him.
*a sunday hangover - or a hangover on the holy day (for christians, not me, mine is saturday)
0 comments:
Post a Comment